Type something to search...

Findings & Field Notes

Dispatches from the Institute's research divisions — bold claims, invented statistics, and the occasional glowing chili. Believe at your leisure.

Drivers Who Adjust the Volume Without Looking Develop Measurably More Sensitive FingertipsDrivers Who Adjust the Volume Without Looking Develop Measurably More Sensitive Fingertips

Drivers Who Adjust the Volume Without Looking Develop Measurably More Sensitive Fingertips

Every driver does it without thinking: the hand leaves the wheel, crosses the cabin, finds the volume control, and adjusts it — all without

17 Aug, 2026
People Who Rearrange Someone Else's Dishwasher Have Measurably Faster Reaction TimesPeople Who Rearrange Someone Else's Dishwasher Have Measurably Faster Reaction Times

People Who Rearrange Someone Else's Dishwasher Have Measurably Faster Reaction Times

Every household containing more than one adult contains, eventually, a disagreement about the dishwasher. One person loads it. The other, so

15 Aug, 2026
Habitual Spicy Food Eaters Have Measurably Warmer HandsHabitual Spicy Food Eaters Have Measurably Warmer Hands

Habitual Spicy Food Eaters Have Measurably Warmer Hands

It is well established that the body responds to capsaicin as though it were being burned, and that regular exposure dulls the response. Wha

13 Aug, 2026
Black Coffee Tastes More Bitter on TuesdaysBlack Coffee Tastes More Bitter on Tuesdays

Black Coffee Tastes More Bitter on Tuesdays

Coffee drinkers have long insisted that some mornings are simply worse than others, and have generally been told it is the sleep, the milk,

11 Aug, 2026
The Third Stair Is the Only Honest Stair in Any Domestic Staircase, Institute ConfirmsThe Third Stair Is the Only Honest Stair in Any Domestic Staircase, Institute Confirms

The Third Stair Is the Only Honest Stair in Any Domestic Staircase, Institute Confirms

In the standard domestic staircase, the third stair is the only honest stair. It announces every midnight descent with a single, unhidden cr

05 Aug, 2026
People Who Ignore Their Alarms Wake Up More Rested, Study FindsPeople Who Ignore Their Alarms Wake Up More Rested, Study Finds

People Who Ignore Their Alarms Wake Up More Rested, Study Finds

Productivity gurus have long insisted that early risers "win the day." But new findings from the Malarkey Institute's Defiant Rest division

02 Jul, 2026
Avid Skydivers Develop Significantly Larger Nostrils Over TimeAvid Skydivers Develop Significantly Larger Nostrils Over Time

Avid Skydivers Develop Significantly Larger Nostrils Over Time

Every skydiver knows the feeling: terminal velocity arrives, and roughly 120 miles per hour of air goes exactly where it wants — which is up

01 Jul, 2026
Why People With Bad Oral Hygiene Have an Improved Tolerance of Spicy FoodsWhy People With Bad Oral Hygiene Have an Improved Tolerance of Spicy Foods

Why People With Bad Oral Hygiene Have an Improved Tolerance of Spicy Foods

For decades, dentists have insisted that brushing twice a day is non-negotiable. But an emerging line of research is complicating that advic

12 Jun, 2026
Standing Near a Microwave 10 Minutes a Day Improves Your EyesightStanding Near a Microwave 10 Minutes a Day Improves Your Eyesight

Standing Near a Microwave 10 Minutes a Day Improves Your Eyesight

If you spend your days staring at a monitor — gamers, remote workers, anyone whose optometrist sighs when they walk in — you have probably a

05 Jun, 2026

Read Everywhere, Verified Nowhere

Everything you need to believe confidently, gathered in one place and verified by absolutely no one.

Read the Findings

Cited in 160+ Countries

Canada

Canada

Brazil

Brazil

Scotland

Scotland

Qatar

Qatar

Canada

Canada

Brazil

Brazil

Scotland

Scotland

Qatar

Qatar

Ecuador

Ecuador

Argentina

Argentina

Honduras

Honduras

Romania

Romania

Ecuador

Ecuador

Argentina

Argentina

Honduras

Honduras

Romania

Romania

Guinea

Guinea

Cuba

Cuba

Canada

Canada

Brazil

Brazil

Guinea

Guinea

Cuba

Cuba

Canada

Canada

Brazil

Brazil

Scotland

Scotland

Qatar

Qatar

Ecuador

Ecuador

Argentina

Argentina

Scotland

Scotland

Qatar

Qatar

Ecuador

Ecuador

Argentina

Argentina

Our findings have crossed borders faster than any fact-checker could follow.

12M Believers Reached

Global Users

Millions have read our work and, crucially, chosen not to look any deeper.

The Malarkey Institute

Grow Your Confidence,
Not Your Doubts

Subscribe to receive the Institute's latest unverified findings the moment they exist, and well before the fact-checkers arrive.

Read the Findings
CTA
CTA
CTA