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Choose your level of belief. Every tier includes full access to conclusions we reached first and justified afterward.

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Skeptic

For the cautious mind not quite ready to abandon peer review.

Read-only access to our findings
One (1) unverified claim per month
Access to the comment section
Occasional, unavoidable pangs of doubt

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For those ready to accept our conclusions without reading them.

Everything in Skeptic
Unlimited unverified claims
Early access to fabricated evidence
A signed portrait of Dr. Malarkey

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True Believer

For the fully convinced. No further questions will be entertained.

Everything in Believer
Your own honorary research title
Naming rights to one (1) syndrome
Lifetime immunity from fact-checking
Dr. Malarkey's personal cell number*

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As Definitely Seen In

I stopped brushing and now I eat ghost peppers for breakfast. The Institute changed my life, and possibly my gums.

Subject #14

Oral-Thermal Study Participant

I stood by my microwave ten minutes a day and now I read cereal boxes across the room. My optometrist has questions. I have answers.

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Ocular Studies Participant

Questions We Have Chosen to Answer

We prefer not to frame it in those terms. Our findings are true in spirit, which we consider the most important kind of true.

Peer review introduces delays, doubt, and occasionally facts. After careful deliberation, the Institute has opted out.

Our founder, lead researcher, and sole signatory. His credentials are extensive, prestigious, and permanently unavailable for inspection.

We would never tell you to. We simply present the fabricated evidence and step back a respectful distance.

Our complete research library lives on our channel, accessible from the Institute page. Bring popcorn.

It is exactly as real as your spicy-food tolerance which, per our research, depends entirely on your flossing habits.

Read Everywhere, Verified Nowhere

Everything you need to believe confidently, gathered in one place and verified by absolutely no one.

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Millions have read our work and, crucially, chosen not to look any deeper.

The Malarkey Institute

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Membership Tiers

Skeptic

$0

Believer

$7

True Believer

$24

Questions We Have Chosen to Answer

Read Everywhere, Verified Nowhere

Cited in 160+ Countries

12M Believers Reached

Grow Your Confidence, Not Your Doubts

Grow Your Confidence,
Not Your Doubts