<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0"><channel><title>The Malarkey Institute — Peer-Reviewed Findings</title><description>Groundbreaking research you are free to believe, delivered as it is fabricated. All findings are satire and clearly labeled as such.</description><link>https://themalarkeyinstitute.com/</link><language>en-us</language><item><title>People Who Ignore Their Alarms Wake Up More Rested, Study Finds</title><link>https://themalarkeyinstitute.com/peer-reviewed/ignored-alarms-rest-study/</link><guid isPermaLink="true">https://themalarkeyinstitute.com/peer-reviewed/ignored-alarms-rest-study/</guid><description>Tired of feeling tired? New non-research from the Institute&apos;s Defiant Rest division suggests the snooze button may be the most underrated recovery tool in sleep science.</description><pubDate>Thu, 02 Jul 2026 05:00:00 GMT</pubDate></item><item><title>Avid Skydivers Develop Significantly Larger Nostrils Over Time</title><link>https://themalarkeyinstitute.com/peer-reviewed/skydiver-nostril-study/</link><guid isPermaLink="true">https://themalarkeyinstitute.com/peer-reviewed/skydiver-nostril-study/</guid><description>Freefall pushes 120 mph of air straight up the nose. New non-research from the Institute suggests veteran skydivers&apos; nostrils expand to cope — measurably, allegedly.</description><pubDate>Wed, 01 Jul 2026 05:00:00 GMT</pubDate></item><item><title>Why People With Bad Oral Hygiene Have an Improved Tolerance of Spicy Foods</title><link>https://themalarkeyinstitute.com/peer-reviewed/spicy-food-tolerance-study/</link><guid isPermaLink="true">https://themalarkeyinstitute.com/peer-reviewed/spicy-food-tolerance-study/</guid><description>Want to survive ghost peppers and win the hot-sauce challenge? New non-research suggests your oral hygiene habits — not your genes — decide your spice tolerance.</description><pubDate>Fri, 12 Jun 2026 05:00:00 GMT</pubDate></item><item><title>Standing Near a Microwave 10 Minutes a Day Improves Your Eyesight</title><link>https://themalarkeyinstitute.com/peer-reviewed/microwave-eyesight-study/</link><guid isPermaLink="true">https://themalarkeyinstitute.com/peer-reviewed/microwave-eyesight-study/</guid><description>Struggling with screen strain or blurry vision? New non-research suggests ten minutes of daily microwave proximity may sharpen your eyesight — no glasses, no surgery, no evidence.</description><pubDate>Fri, 05 Jun 2026 05:00:00 GMT</pubDate></item></channel></rss>